Mercy Killing
by Sashocirrione
Summary: Ken Kaneki tries another food collecting trip with Renji Yomo, hoping that it will be easier to endure than the first one was. Warnings for suicide, gore, death and implied cannibalism (this is Tokyo Ghoul, after all).


**Title:** "Mercy Killing"

**Author:** Sashocirrione

**Spoilers:** Spoilers for up to chapter 13 of the manga. Since this was written before the first episode of the anime is due to be broadcast, I presume it will spoil maybe up to episode 4 or 5 in the anime, but I'm just guessing.

**Warnings:** NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated M for suicide, death, implied cannibalism, gore and violence.

**Summary:** Ken Kaneki tries another food collecting trip with Renji Yomo, hoping that it will be easier to endure than the first one was.

**Pairings:** None

**Additional Notes:** All manga canon events previous to the start of this fanfic have happened as normal, but it is not based on the anime at all as I've not seen it yet (the first episode has yet to be broadcast). According to timelines that others have compiled, I think this fanfic occurs at some nebulous point in November. This is canon-compliant, in that the events here could have happened behind the scenes in the manga, and that nothing in this fanfic would disrupt or derail later canon events. In other words, this is not a canon divergence AU like I tend to write. I am calling the coffee shop "Antique" since it seems that the scanlators had been mistranslating its name as "Anteiku" instead.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tokyo Ghoul, and I do not make any money from these writings.

* * *

Ken Kaneki fidgeted while waiting late at night on a street corner. At any moment, a literal man-eater was due to drive up, and then they would go to collect food - human meat - to be dismembered, placed in a special duffel bag, and delivered back to the locked refrigerator at Antique, the coffee shop that served as the secret gathering place for ghouls of the 20th ward.

Ken still didn't know what to think about Renji.

Renji Yomo was comforting and appalling all at once. Ken found the ghoul to be kind and protective in his actions, like a steadfast older brother, but then there was Renji's words, or lack of words. Either state was disturbing. Ken couldn't forget the creepy silence that Renji seemed to prefer, resisting most attempts at conversation. He also couldn't forget Renji's most unsettling words on their first collecting trip.

Finding the suicide victim at the bottom of the drop-off had been horrible and Ken couldn't bear to touch the body, much less dismember it, but then the most wonderful thing had happened. On that trip Ken had gotten his first real spark of hope since becoming a half-ghoul or whatever screwed-up creature he actually was now. The thought that Antique's ghouls lived entirely on scavenging people who were already dead was amazing. Ken had been so excited at the time that he'd started chatting to Renji about how great it was that his new friends didn't have to kill anyone to survive.

And then, Renji Yomo had cruelly stripped all those illusions away by saying, "I sometimes kill and eat people, and so do Toka and the others."

That didn't destroy the hope, but it had intertwined it with an uncomfortable tainted feeling. Were there any truly good ghouls out there, or had all of them murdered people at some point?

Ken hugged his arms closer to his body against the night's chill. The ghouls at Antique had been so kind to him even though they knew he'd been human until recently. Without them, he wouldn't have survived, and he would have murdered his best friend. He was completely dependant on them, and then there was also the troubling feeling that he was no better than them at heart.

_I'm not a murderer now, but I've only had a body like this a short while and I was saved from killing Hide just because Toka stopped me when I lost my mind. I don't even know what it is like to exist this way for many years, like those who were born as ghouls do._

Judging the others did no good, but Antique's manager seemed to be leading more ghouls in the direction of scavenging instead of hunting, and that was important. The future was what mattered. Ghouls could be rehabilitated. Ken had to believe that.

And, for that to happen, scavenging had to become more popular. Ken Kaneki wanted to learn and to teach and promote Antique's way of life.

_I have to become as skilled as possible. I'll do a better job tonight. Renji will show me the way._

When the car finally drove up, Ken didn't recognize it. Renji Yomo was in a completely different vehicle, and it was only as Ken was climbing into the passenger's seat that he thought what it might be.

"Yomo, is this the car that the suicide victim left at the edge of the precipice last time?"

Renji looked over to Ken for a moment, and then his eyes returned to the road.

_Is he unwilling to say anything about it, or is it supposed to be so obvious that no reply is needed?_

It was a tense, almost-wordless ride to a new place that Ken supposed must be another suicide hotspot undiscovered by the police. It looked much like the previous site, a sharp bend in the road with a prodigious drop-off on one side, protected by a guard rail. Below there was a dense evergreen forest, thick with drifting patches of fog. There was a tell-tale empty car parked just off the road, but Ken didn't notice anything else as he got out and walked over to lean on the guard rail.

He sniffed deeply, hoping to detect the sweet scent that his new sense of smell now assigned to corpses, but there was nothing and Renji said from behind him, "The wind is wrong for that."

Ken took a few deep breaths, trying not to think about dead bodies, and said, "I'm going to get down the cliff by myself."

Renji replied, "Don't cling. Just run. You know you won't get hurt."

Ken knew that a fatal fall for a human was only an inconvenience for someone like himself, but it was another thing to overcome his instincts and just launch himself over the edge. It took three tries until he could actually let go, and then he half-tumbled half-slid gracelessly down the sheer rock face, pulling off bits of rubble that showered down around him as he hit the bottom with a thump that strained his knees and rattled his teeth.

Looking around, he saw the body a short distance from his feet. It was a woman in an impossible position for the living, her head twisted around so badly that her face pointed towards the sky even though she lay on her stomach.

_I think I'm going to throw up! Will I be able to help this time?_

Before Ken could take a closer look at the body, Renji came down the cliff almost as if he were running on a horizontal surface, and then leapt down the last bit to land with a springing grace.

It was then that the body - the woman - groaned and opened her eyes.

Ken saw a flash of movement to the side and threw himself in a protective crouch over the woman just in time. Renji's blow hit Ken's shoulder instead, a sharp pain with a sickening crunch of bone.

"Stop! I won't let you kill a person!"

Quickly, Ken placed the hand that wasn't connected to a messed-up shoulder over the woman's eyes and added, "Maybe she saw my face, but it's dark and I'm willing to risk it. Your face is safe now. She doesn't know our names. Let's take her to the hospital."

"No," Renji said, "it would be a big risk if she survives, and it'd be completely pointless if she doesn't."

"I'll rip some cloth off my shirt to blindfold her," Ken offered, "and then I'll need your help to carry her up. I'm not good at climbing."

Ken could feel his shattered shoulder slowly healing, but even once that completed he'd be mostly useless. Last time, Ken hadn't been able to scale the cliff himself. Ghoul reflexes and strength didn't give you the needed climbing ability automatically, and Renji had ended up carrying Ken after his fifth fall. Renji had to be convinced to help. There was no other way.

Ken's mind raced, trying to think of some argument that would sway Renji, fast.

"The manager doesn't want ghouls to kill people. Don't you say you admire the manager?"

Renji squatted down next to Ken and said, "Do I need to tell you how it is? I think she will die soon no matter what we do. Her neck looks broken. Some rock or branch is embedded in her stomach; I can smell the open entrails. Carrying her anywhere would likely kill her. Mercy killing is our best option. We're only completing her wishes; after all she came here to end her life."

"We aren't doctors, so we don't know! Please, let's try!"

Renji placed a hand gently on Ken's almost-healed shoulder and his voice went very quiet as he said, "Do you think it is easy to find bodies? Do you think that you will only be in situations that let you keep your peace of mind? The universe is cruel. There are many good bodies that I can't risk collecting because humans are nearby, and then I might have to kill four or five to escape. These secluded spots are the best. If the woman lives, and talks, then the police will know this place and we'll lose all the future bodies."

Although Renji hadn't said it, Ken thought immediately of Hinami. Ghoul children like her were entirely innocent, but only so long as someone was able to supply the human meat.

_I don't understand the ghouls' world. Do I have the right to do this to them? Didn't I tell myself that I want the ghouls to have as many guilt-free bodies as possible? But, I can't let Renji kill her, either. What do I do?_

Tears were falling down his face again, and he hated that.

Renji said, "Ken, I won't carry her up. I will wait for now and not kill her, but I can't wait too long."

It seemed that there was only one thing to do. Quickly, Ken tore off the bottom edge of his shirt and draped it over the woman's eyes to replace his hand so she wouldn't see Renji and give him the perfect excuse. Her face was warm, but her breaths were barely there, shallow and sometimes stopping altogether for several long moments. Ken settled next to her and gently took her hand. At the instant of touch, she made a choking sound.

"It's okay, miss. We won't hurt you. I won't let him kill you."

Ken paused, rubbing his chin with his left hand. He didn't really know if that was true. If Renji became determined to fight, what would really happen? Renji was a very strong ghoul.

Her breathing became much faster. Panic? Or recovery?

The words were spilling out of Ken then, in a rush to comfort her. He was telling her all the things he wished he could tell Hide, about how he'd stopped being human in October, and how he hated his new body, hated the inability to eat any human food. He left all the names and identifying details out, but he told her about Toka, and about Nishiki Nishio, and about the times he'd been force-fed human flesh against his will, and how he hoped that ghouls could live peacefully with humans.

All that time, the breathing was getting quieter and she was smelling better and better, like the most delicious foods he'd ever smelled in his life. He knew she was dying, but he kept babbling at her until Renji pulled him away from the body. The limp, cold hand slipped out of his grasp.

He stumbled backwards as Renji pushed that awful duffel bag into his hands, the one with a rubbery lining and the ability to be sealed so completely that no blood would seep out.

Renji was getting busy with a bone saw, as calm as if he was carving up a loaf of bread instead of a person, a human being. Ken knew that in moments he'd be handed _things_ from the body, parts to put into the bag. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to pounce on the body and shove handfuls of it into his mouth. He was drooling again.

"Here," said Renji, holding out a soft red lump for Ken to take and yet he couldn't... he simply couldn't touch it.

_I need to do this. I need to learn and help. Scavenging is the way. I must, for Hinami._

But nothing could dislodge the thought that the _piece of flesh_ was from a _dead person_ and it was just so wrong, so very wrong that Ken scuttled backwards away from it, dropping the duffel bag between them.

Renji Yomo stared at him for a few long moments, then sighed, pulled the duffel bag closer, and began filling it by himself.

Ken bit his lip and burned with shame.

_Next time, I'll do better._

* * *

**A/N (Author's Note):**

Tokyo Ghoul is an amazing manga, and I expect the anime will be good too, from the previews I've watched. I went looking for Tokyo Ghoul fanfics, and only found a few of them! I thought the fanfic-based fandom would be larger, since there seem to be a lot of fans and the anime is one of the most-anticipated new animes of summer 2014. I guess there will probably be a lot of fanfics in the near future once people are able to watch the anime?

Anyway, this fanfic was a scene that I imagined while first reading the similar parts of chapters 12 and 13. I presumed that Ken would go on more food collecting trips with Renji later on and would have various learning experiences doing so, but the manga skipped over a lot of the details of what happened in those months and only gave a broad outline of events, highlighted with the most important scenes, so I presumed that a lot of things like this could have been going on behind the scenes.

If you review, please don't put manga spoilers in your review. I've only read up to chapter 73, and though I have some idea of what happens after that, I'd rather not be spoiled.


End file.
